I know, it's been a while. I've been thinking about about writing for a few months now, my last blog entry being back in March. I'll be honest, it wasn't simply procrastination, I was in a dark place and my heart just wasn't in it. I didn't want to sit down with myself and dive deep into my thoughts, and I felt too heavy not to do exactly that, it didn't seem right to write about video games or the profoundly disappointing ending to Game of Thrones. I ended contact with my biological mother, again, but this time I feel for good. I found out that one of the basis of why we were able to reconnect, which was to not lie or deceive me again and not be in contact with people that have hurt me in the past (people that were my acquaintances and hers), even though she had agreed to it and expressed to me that she understood and respected my needs - was never in fact respected, contact was never cut off, and I'd been lied to this entire time we reconnected. My 28th birthday came in the midst of feeling horribly betrayed and alone, unworthy of respect, love and honesty, and although I did get the chance to see some of my lovely friends, a weight was on my heart, a mixture of anger and disappointment. I truly did feel, and continue to feel, profoundly unworthy of love and respect. What else can be done when the bare minimum - to have your discomfort respected and validated - isn't given to you?
And so, this is where I have been. Job hunting has been horrible, I've only been able to occupy some of my time with volunteering here and there at various places and various events, but money is so tight I'm not even sure how I've made it since, there are no emails or calls backs, interviews aren't followed up, my own emails and calls are ghosted. I'm clearly not a good candidate for anything but I won't be told why, and I can't figure out why.
To add insult to injury, my health has been poor. I spend the last 2 months having medical exams, blood work done, seeing specialist, to figure out why - basically - my immune system isn't working, why it seems to be on fire, struggling to fight something, something nobody can seem to identify. This has made job hunting difficult, not knowing the extend of how much I'd be able to commit time and energy wise to a new position is stressful and discouraging, but not as discouraging as never receiving any responses, not as discouraging as not being given any chances at all. As of right now I am currently waiting for more results to my tests, as well as an appointment to possibly - and finally - be given an Insulin Pump as well as a CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor) in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, this alleviates some of my struggles.
May was a rough and long month, but we kept busy. We attended the wedding of my partner's childhood friend and I tried to clean up a bit.
I modelled for the role of Sailor Saturn for the recently launched, MTL based and MTL made Sailor Moon inspired brand Heroes in Space, with many lovely people; "The new Heroes in Space collection featuring the Outer Senshi is out!!! Make sure to visit the Heroes In Space FB page and Instagram where you can see the new shoot and visit the shop (link will be in her bio). I'm surprised not that many of you guessed right (so many of you assumed I'd be Mercury again but she isn't an Outer Senshi!), but I thought it'd be obvious that I would be and am: Hotaru Tomoe aka Sailor Saturn, Goddess of Destruction and Rebirth, and collector of berets" You can find the entire collection as well as the whole shoot on the Heroes in Space Facebook Page HERE as well as the Etsy page HERE where you can purchase the dresses!
In June, I volunteers for the 3rd edition of Yatai MTL, 2019 being their third year) where I helped them out for their social media as their social media manager. I was on site for the entire duration of the Festival. Yatai MTL is a tradition that goes back to the Edo period in Japan in the 60s, it's a practice that many Japanese people follow during summer Matsuri (festivals),and their intention is to share Japanese culture and street food right here in Montreal. It was a great experience and many of your stopped by the festivals to say hi, but mostly to grab a lot of the delicious food from cold ramen to Yakitori.
Once again, I'm sorry for sort of disappearing from here and "leaving you on read", too, I need time off and I may still need some of it, but I'll try harder from now on. (I also have my of my past game reviews and TV shows episodes reviews to publish here from the previous AWOTI site) Let's keep in touch, Aurelie.