Endometriosis and quitting the pill after 10 years; Diary #1


The first time I experienced uterine pain I must’ve been 12 or 13. I hadn’t started menstruating by then I wouldn’t for another 3 to 4 years, which I guess makes me a “late bloomer”. My pain and discomfort were dismissed, like a lot of other people like me who experienced intense pelvic pain, we were either dismissed, outright called liars, accused of exaggerating, or any of the other thousand of other reasons why doctors across the world (but I’ll be focusing on my experience as a Canadian) dismiss complains of uterine and pelvic pain. I don’t remember exactly how old I was when I first fainted due to the pain, I must’ve been 14. It was a school day and although I complained about the pain to our gym teacher who really wanted us to run tracks that day, he accused me of lying and it didn’t take very long before I fainted, I’m not sure I was even brought to the nurse's’ office. I don’t know whether my biological mother was made aware of the incident or not. The other time I fainted I was about 19. It was the first time that I fainted in front of someone but was finally brought to the hospital. My biological mother, although she was the one who made the 911 call, wasn’t entirely sure of the severity of the situation and was eventually convinced by the paramedics that I needed to be brought to the emergency room. I couldn’t speak, I was so white I turned grey, and I could barely tell what was going on around me. There, after I waited hours in the energy, a male doctor eventually came by, took one quick look at me, and told my mother, not me, that I simply was on my period and that I needed to “relax”, maybe try a bath. He left. A piece of paper he left behind had “Dysmenorrhea” written on it. It was after this event that I went from doctor to doctor, gynecologist to the next. Funny enough, it was a general check up with my general doctor that finally led to my diagnosis, I had Endometriosis. She had prescribed to me the pill a few years prior, but it was after that diagnosis that she adjusted that prescription so that I would be taking the pill non-stop, without placebos. This wasn’t a cure, it didn’t fix the pain of make it go away entirely, but for the past 10 years now I haven’t menstruated, and my pain has lessen to a point where I was live, I can manage. This leads me to the reason I’m sharing all of this. About a week and half ago now, I decided to go off of my pill, Seasonique. This is something that I have been thinking and wondering about for a few years now, especially the past year, as a thought in my head keeps creeping onto me. My mental health has had its ups and downs, but the ups have been quite high, and the downs have been very low. As someone with diagnosed depression, severe anxiety and PTSD, I’m very aware that I am one hell of a mess, but that creeping thought sneaking on me has made me wonder just how my pill could be affecting my feelings and moods. Who would I been and how would I be without it? 10 whole years have passed since I went on Seasonique, and so much of my struggles and experiences are not more or less vague memories, and so, I wonder. I finished my last pill and didn’t go for a refill, a week and a half has passed and although I’ve experienced pain here and there (some of it I couldn’t tell whether were bad or not due to the fact that I already struggle with pain and am used to it) today is the worst day yet. I’d forgotten the type of pain that spreads throughout your body. The back pain and the struggle to find any, any position, sitting or laying, where it isn’t so bad. I’d almost forgotten the nausea accompanied with the cravings. I think it’s a cosmic joke that these symptoms are the same as pregnancy symptoms. As I was standing (or rather, nearly crouching) in my shower with burning hot water dropping onto my body, seemingly the only thing that could bring me some semblance of relief, I felt like there was something there, of value, to share. Whether you’ve gone through this or are wondering whether or not to attempt this journey as well, or if you’re interested for whatever reason may be, I felt there was something there, so I’m sharing this. Keep an eye out for whatever update I may share, and wish me luck.

[If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to share them with me privately or publicly]

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